Has the Opposite Sex Become Obsolete?


Season 3 Episode 34 Still


Truthfully, for this woman the answer to that question is yes, the opposite has become obsolete.  In a way.  I can’t wait for my not conceived children to meet their grandpa.  Last I checked you can only have a baby with sperm and I think that having strong men around is great.  I learned a lot from my father and my uncles.  Yet, even as a teenager I was pretty sure that women could rule the world and we would only need to keep around a few really smart, kind considerate males (in containment of course) for the purposes of breeding; both “natural” for those so inclined and the old fashioned turkey baster method. 

I was having a conversation with someone the other day and was so shocked by the questions coming out of their mouth that I decided I needed to post.  This person asked if I always knew that I was gay and wanted to know when I came out.  Answer- I came out at 28 and always knew that I was gay.  They then asked, “well don’t you miss having sex with men?” and my simple answer was No, I don’t miss it.

Interestingly last night I started watching Season 4 of SATC when Samantha starts to date Maria.  She and the girls have just met up at the coffee shop after a long weekend and Samantha starts in giving the ladies a very insightful look into the makings of lesbian sex.  We learn that Samantha has discovered every thing there is to know about the pussy.  She tells them she’s getting an education and not for nothing, a lot of women could do with a bit more learnin’ about their vaginas; gay and straight.  For Samantha, it’s just a new chapter in her sex book.  After two episodes she and Maria break up.  For me, and a lot of women who come out later in life, it’s about rediscovering who you are.

Thing is, I didn’t choose to be gay no more than I chose to be black.  I was born this way.  I did, however, choose to be straight for a very long time.  I made the conscious decision to live my life as a pseudo-straight person because I thought it would be easier for me and for my family.  Living and dating as a straight woman I had sex with men.  I will even put it out there that most of the time I had an okay time.  Other A lot of times I fantasized about having sex with women.

The first two times in the lesbo-sac were a bit rocky.  I didn’t know what I was doing and to call it awkward wouldn’t be a lie.  Then I had amazing sex and, well, let’s just say I’ve never looked back.  It’s not just about the sex, of course, it felt great because I was finally doing something that felt right.  Do I ever look at straight couples and wish I were in a hetero relationship?  Only when the realization of the ease at which they’re given civil rights and then it just makes me angry and want to work towards equal rights for all people.

While I’m not a hetero-phobe I’m definitely pro-other.  Whether that other is based on age, race, sexual orientation or religion the others out there need be recognized as equal in our society.  One of my friends posted on Facebook today that our country was ripe for a revolution and you know what?  I think we are.  We live in 2011 where a black man sits on the seat of the most powerful country in the world and last week thousands of Americans were given pink slips.  Reading in the NY Times today I learned that teachers in Wisconsin are being notified that they will be loosing their jobs, and only a fraction of them will be able to actually get those jobs back in the fall.  Women are continually paid less money and the rights of a woman to, as Representative Moore so eloquently stated, Plan her Parenthood is under attack.

While for me, in terms of sexual satisfaction the opposite sex has become obsolete we all need to stand together to make sure we’re all afforded the same rights.  Gay rights shouldn’t be the concern of LGBTQ individuals and their families only, it should be the concern of all Americans.  The rights of women shouldn’t just be a concern for women but any one who has a mother, sister, or aunt.  The rights of the disabled, the rights of the aging, the rights of unions the rights of every American should be the concern of every American.  Until we can get to that point, and as it seems we’re never going to reach that understanding, we need to rally.

Thank you to the New Yorkers who went downtown today to rally for the rights of others.  I was at work but with you in spirit.


in DC for Mother’s Day

As my dedicated readers are aware my sister is a drug addict currently in an in-house rehabilitation center back in Ohio.  She’s has two boys that are the light of my life; Jullian is going to be 4 in August and Justice will be 1 in August.  My parents have had custody of Jullian since he was born and currently have custody of Justice.  My relationship with my sister has been strained, to put it lightly.  Through the years and more recently we’ve opened the lines of communication and our relationship is growing.  It’s definitely going to take time and through our adult years most of our relationship’s stresses stem from not only her addiction but the pressures that her addiction have put on my parents.

Today is Mother’s Day and my sister is spending the day with our father in Ohio.  My mother and her grandchildren are in DC to visit with her sister and my cousin, the Doctor.  My cousin and aunt are at a Mother’s Day brunch event and I’m spending some time with my own mother who’s preoccupations are, of course, on the boys.  I struggle with resentment.  Resentment for a lot of things.  A selfish, almost childish resentment of the boys because they occupy so much of my valuable time with my mother.  Resentment of my sister who on this day of rest for mothers isn’t giving my mother any rest because she doesn’t have the ability to care for her children solely because of the decisions she’s made in her life.  I struggle with my own ability to care not only for my mother but for my sister.  The big sister guilt is nagging, at times, and I wonder if I’d been a better big sister things may not have ended up the way they are now.  I was talking with Jullian yesterday about the responsibility that comes with being an older sibling.  He’s only 3 years old and I’m confident that he doesn’t always understand the things that I say to him but on the other hand when I talk to him and he looks at me with his giant brown eyes I feel that he does, on some level, understand me.

Daughters and Mothers

I had the most disturbing interaction today at work. In the fitting room this adorable girl was trying on some skirts. She had it horribly outfitted-this really cute, colorful knit skirt paired with an ill-fitting v-neck knit tee shirt. It didn’t look good. She was about a size 8 or so, no chest, square shaped middle, no hips, no ass. Because she carried her weight in her middle she had the common black girl skirt problem-long in the front, short in the back.

The mother and daughter were fidgeting with the skirt-hiking it up, pulling it down while her other smaller siblings looked on. It just didn’t fit, Period. I stepped in, it’s my new role as the Selling Manager, and offered some suggestion. I brought her better fitting skirts, tucked in her shirt for her and added a belt. All of a sudden her square shaped body took on a more womanly, hour glass shape and the girl who was scrunching her face in the mirror had light in her eye and a smile on her face.

That is, until the mother commented on her “larger stomach” and wondered if I could find something with less fabric that made her look smaller. I looked at the girl who looked at her feet and then back to the mother. I explained that there wasn’t anything we could “do” about the skirt’s fabric-it’s a circle skirt, there’s lots of fabric there. I told her that adding the belt gave her a shape, she looked happy and the girl confirmed that she felt good in it. The mother then scrunched her face and commented again on the large stomach. The girl shifted her weight on her feet, the two sisters who were watching grew silent-all eyes on me.

me-“how do you feel in it?”
girl-“i like it”
me-“you see my ass? see this stomach? you’ve gotta rock it, you know? If you got it-own it, love it and it’ll show”

and then I walked away. She bought the outfit. It wasn’t about the sale for me. I mean, it’s my new job. To hire, inspire, and train my staff to sell stuff better than the rest. To interact with our customers and to help out when I can to boost sales. It was the fact that I helped to throw up a middle finger for this brown haired, short chubby girls tall blonde mother. Yeah, I’m getting this outfit, Mom, and you’re paying for it. Fuck you.