insomnia

I know I’m not really an insomniac.  I could sleep, if I wanted to but there’s too much shit on my mind.  Yesterday we went to my storage place to clear out all of my shit.  I’ve been wasting money there for almost 7 months and decided that enough was enough.  We got in our Hertz rental car and drove around Brooklyn for 8 hours clearing the crap out of my storage place and gallivanting around Brooklyn and Queens. 

We retrieved about 5 boxes of miscellaneous stuff as well as two gigantic body-bag style duffel bags worth of clothing, books, etc. that are now sitting in my living room.  I worked for eight hours clearing out the duffel bags, putting a cheap book shelf together and generally trying to organize my apartment and life and decided it best to finish the bottle of wine I opened days ago, watch the uncovered DVDs I found and call it a night.

I put in one of my favorites, Love Actually but found that I was antsy.  I did all of the regular I can’t sleep what do I do instead stuff aka masturbate and am still awake, many self-inflicted orgasms later.  I know that If i just turned off the movie and closed my eyes I would probably fall into a nice little slumber.  Instead, my mind is whirling with all of the stuff I need to do. 

I created about 3 large holes in my walls trying to drill hooks into my closet-less apartment.  I have no clue what my walls are made of and since the drill I was using isn’t mine I didn’t want to break it trying to force it so now, in addition to buying my own industrial strength drill I have to buy something to patch the walls.   So that’s keeping me awake.

The fact that my living room is in complete and utter disarray is also keeping me awake.  I’m making list after list in my mind and the funny thing is that in life, on paper I hate lists.  There so concrete, permanent.  I like to have the imaginary list in my head where it’s easy to add and erase as I see fit.

So instead of getting sleep that will be beneficial to me I’m driving myself semi-mad making lists in my head that I hope to forget in the morning.  So, goodnight.

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2 thoughts on “insomnia

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