once upon a time in brooklyn, new york…

Two lesbians decided that it was best not to live with one another.  They decided that they’d spent enough time with one another on a day-to-day basis in a 200 square foot apartment and enough was enough.  Three months later, they’re regretting it.

It’s not that we’re regretting it,  per se, it’s just proven to be a lot more hard work than we anticipated.  The great thing about living with the woman who you love is that you always get to wake up next to her and fall asleep next to her.  Through the good and the bad, the fights and all you have the knowledge that you will fall asleep with the comfort touch of a warm body next to yours.

I will admit, quite readily, that sometimes it’s wildly refreshing to walk into my empty apartment, disrobe at the door and not worry about picking up after myself.  It’s great to blare some Tori, Fiona, Fiest, or Tegan and Sara without the disapproving gaze of Mirs.  On the other hand, I wake up sometimes in the middle of night in sheer panic, or in extreme pain and feel completely helpless because I’m all alone.  For instance, last week I woke up in the middle of the night with searing pain in my abdomen and it was unnerving because I was alone.  It’s true Mirs wouldn’t have been able to do much in the way of comfort-a good poo did the trick. Still, it would’ve been comforting to have her there.

Between her PhD studies and my gearing up for the Holidays at work we barely have time to be in the same room with one another for longer than a few hours.  My friend, Dez thinks that we should start planning dates.  It sounds a little hokey to me.  I mean, where is the spontaneity in that?  It’s completely void of any surprise and the very idea of planning a date with my long term girlfriend sounds contrived.  blah.  We shall see.  Tonight I made spiced turkey/lamb burgers at her place.  It felt nice to be in the same kitchen again, side by side, making food that we shared.  We listened to Diana Ross and got up in the middle of dinner to dance with one another.  The sight of her smile; completely unhindered and unapologetic melts my heart every time I see it.  I’m grateful to have her in my life and incredibly lucky in love.

I’d be lying, though, if I said that I didn’t want more.  I want more.  I want to spend my nights falling asleep next to her and I want to make her breakfast or at least coffee every morning…

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