Mirs and I counted the lesbians we saw today while wandering around the Village. Let me first start by saying I saw Kisha today at New York Adorned when I was waiting to get my new tattoo. http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=84441198
Yeah, her. She’s in the new John Legend video and in the Aggressives Documentary. Yup, that’s her. Kisha. She’s super cute. I saw her walk in with an woman and then walk out. 2 Lesbians.
There was a street fair in the East Village today. Lots of lesbians there. Walking through the Green Market lots and lots of Lesbians. Then onto whole foods. More lesbians. I lost count, really. The last place there were lots of lesbian girls-The Hardware store in our neighborhood, talking about organic potting soil, organic foods, organic lesbian sex. All in All, I’d say that we spotted about a hundred Lesbians in NYC. Granted that’s not a lot of lesbians and those that we identified as lesbians clearly “looked” lesbian. Still, lots of gay girls. It made me happy. Unlike last night. Okay, that was mean. I wasn’t unhappy last night (Kels) I had an AMAZING time and I cannot wait for another night out with the girls. Let me start from the beginning.
I went out last night to the Garage with some of my best friends from work. I love these girls. They’re smart, witty, pretty, and fun to drink with. It was my first time at the Garage. I got there about 30 minutes before the rest of the girls did. I settled myself down at the bar and ordered a mojito, sat back and got ready to enjoy the music. I put my Blackberry on the bar, cause that’s what you do, and sipped my drink. I was there long enough to notice two middle aged cross dressers and to get hit on by a man older than my father. Ugh. I played nice, ignored his comments and enjoyed the music.
“I see all you young girls with them phones,” old man started in again. “That’s why I don’t get em. you’re just sitting there, looking pretty, waiting on that phone to ring.”
“I’m waiting for my friends to come,” I said dryly.
The Girls showed up and we moved to another part of the bar to chat. After a few rounds I started getting antsy to get out to a gay bar. No offense to my straight friends, you know I love you, but after a while, I get a little bored. I’m not gonna lie. So we’re sitting there throwing back the drinks chit chatting about work and life when my particularly out-going friend starts with the lesbian sex talk.
She wanted to know how we lesbos did it.
“So do you just rub your stuff together?” she asked.
“Yeah, there’s that, “I answered trying to get off the subject. “I’m more of a penetration girl.”
“See,” she exclaimed. “You’re not really that gay”
Hmmm. In the split second it took for the words to escape her mouth and to enter my ear and register in my brain I decided where to go with this one. Should I delve more into the mysteries of lesbian sex or just cut her off here.
“No, I’m really gay, “I assured her. “Lots of lesbians like penetration, lots don’t. It doesn’t make you more or less gay.”
I then suggested that she check out Sugarbutch to get some different insight into the big, strange, queer world of lesbian sex. She seemed pretty satisfied and we moved onto another topic.
As the clock drew near 1AM it became quite apparent that despite there words and promises, I wasn’t going to get this group of straight girls over to Stonewall with me for Lesbo a Go-Go. I bid my adieu to my friends and strolled over to Christopher Street to check out the scene. Lots of gays all over the place. It felt good, comfortable, wonderful to be checked out by girls as I lurked outside the doors. I could’ve gone in but I had a sweet, wonderful, kind sexy girl waiting for me at home.
I come home later today to find a Facebook message from one of my friends from high school asking me when I realised that I was gay-or was I not really gay, but just madly and deeply in love with my girlfriend.
Hmmm. How to answer this one. It was about a three paragraph answer-honest and direct. She’d prefaced her inquiry with, “you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to” I appreciated that and I love this girl-she’s super sweet, definitely not a homophobe, she just wanted to know. So I told her and now I’ll tell you.
If I think about it long and hard I think I always knew I was gay. I was much more into pleasing my parents, though. I went to the right school, spoke well, was charming. I moved away from it all and found myself in NYC. I stopped relaxing my hair, went through a long hard depression and stopped worrying about what everyone else wanted from me, needed from me, expected from me. I stopped doing “them” and started doing “me” and girls.
Yes, I had girl crushes in high school, it was all-girls school, by the way. But there was also my boss at my first job, Netty’s Ice cream. I think her name was Jenny. She didn’t wear a bra-I saw her breast once down her shirt and I got the “feeling” in my stomach that I couldn’t understand. I liked it but it was “wrong”
During sleepovers in 6-8th grades my girlfriends and I would play really sexually explorative games. They’d laugh it off and we’d all go to sleep but I’d be laying there buzzing with excitement, wishing one of them would keep playing the game with me and me alone.
I watched this Documentary on Netflix the other night about sexuality. This man who they interviewed and works for Gladd said that if you ask a gay man when he realised out he was gay they’d tell you they knew at age 5. If you ask a gay woman when they realised they were gay they’d have answers ranging from 5-65. This man said that for woman it’s a progression. I don’t know if I would agree or disagree with his statement because it’s too broad. It seeks to lump all gay women and all gay men into these two categories and you can’t do that.
I do believe that sexuality is something that you’re born with rather than a lifestyle. For me, though, my homosexuality was something I wasn’t ready to come to terms with, wasn’t ready to admit until I stopped worrying about what the fuck the world (my parents) wanted from me and started to worry about what I wanted.
In terms of straight girls and their questions-I’m happy to answer them. I mean, if I don’t help give them even a little bit of insight into a world they know nothing about I’m sort of doing a disservice to the LBGTQ community as a whole. It’s about making people understand us, right? I’m clearly not going to change the world by telling a friend about when I realised I was gay or by helping another understand lesbian sex. I can, however, help change the minds, interpretations, and understanding of my life as a gay woman to someone.