Lesbe Friends?

WANTED: A group of like-minded lesbians or gays to spend some time.

Is that so hard to do? I mean, I suppose it makes sense to keep in mind that being a lesbian doesn’t necessarily equal friendship. There are definitely a few lesbos out there that I avoid at all costs and wouldn’t even consider to put in the friendship tank. On the other hand, hanging out with other lesbians is way more fun than hanging out with a bunch of straight folks all of the time-no offense straight friends and readers.

I know I’ve gripped about this before, here’s the new reason. On a recent Facebook stalk I discovered that our group of friends had a party that Mirs and I weren’t invited to. Details of said party are definitely fuzzy. I’m not entirely sure who hosted this party or the location. It very well could have been hosted by someone who’s not directly our friends and it just happened that our friends (all of them) were there by coincidence. I mean, that is entirely possible-it’ still a little irksome.

I made this discovery last night when I got home around midnight, Mirs was already sleeping so I couldn’t ask her thoughts. When we woke up this morning I asked her if our friends still loved us. She said she noticed the same pictures posted online and that she was wondering the same thing-then she said she felt like it happened a lot.

Really? This sort of shit still happens as you approach your thirties? I mean, this is the sort of stuff that happened in grade school, right? What does it mean that I’m just as annoyed and slightly hurt now at 29 as I was at 11 not getting invited to a birthday party everyone else is talking about at lunch the Monday after.

So maybe about two months ago I posted a blog with a similar title/question; Where do you find platonic lesbian friends? It is my mission for Spring and Summer to not only seek out like-minded lesbians to make friends but to be a good friend to them.

I’ve started this search for new friends by Facebook Stalking friends of friends and the last time Mirs and I went out to brunch with a new group of lesbian girls I made a point to getting all of their phone numbers and sent them text messages in the following week suggesting that we hang out soon. Also, I’m joining Front Runners, the LGBT running group in NYC, for real-this week, infact.

I’m almost 30 and I can count the number of lesbians I know on my fingers and toes! I think that it’s an okay thing, I don’t need dozens of acquaintances, I just want a handful of close, reliable, honest, funny, athletic, smart, interesting, attractive, well-read, travel-loving, food-loving, wine and beer loving, writer, runner, gardening, animal loving, activist, friendly friends to spend a Sunday morning brunch or afterwork drink, jog in the park, yoga class, to have over for dinner, book club, coffee drinking travel buddy. I mean, that’s not too much to ask for is it?

I blame mainstream television. I hate to admit it but it’s definitely true. If you spend your life watching shows like Friends, The L Word, Sex in the City, or Will and Grace and then you find yourself living in a big city like New York, the scene of so many of these types of shows you start thinking that your life is like the fictional lives of the characters on those shows. Moreover, you start to pretend that the characters on those shows are your actual friends. Whether you admit it or not you start thinking, I’ll go out with Samantha tonight or I wonder what Tasha is up to this afternoon. You imagine that these characters, these woman are people in your actual life, your friends. Slowly, surely, your “friends” disappear, as the shows go off the air and you’re then forced to take a step back to take a look at your real life, your real friends, and you realize that your actual friends aren’t as wonderful or glamorous as your imaginary friends on TV. Your real friends aren’t as reliable, they’re not always there with the flip of a switch or by pressing PLAY on your DVD player. Your real friends require work and effort, it’s just a question of whether or not they’re worth that effort.


3 thoughts on “Lesbe Friends?

  1. Although you are living in a big city being a lesbian it is harder to find friends that have similar interests like yours. I personally think that the LGBTQ community is more diverse than mainstream… We find a niche and we stay there occasionally venturing out but not often. We get comfortable with who we are, what we stand for, and how we live. It gets frustrating at times…

  2. I completely and utterly agree with you! I’m such a social butterfly, though, so it’s hard for me to pull people out of their little cliques. Folks are real, real tight-which is great, but being an outsider looking in can get a little annoying to say the least

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