Literally. Well Cat and Bird. A black Bird. Leroy the Cat brought a half dead black bird into the house this morning. He does this; all last spring and summer we’d come home to a dead bird or mouse in the bathroom. We’d joked on warm days this year that there would maybe be something dead waiting for us when we’d return home. So this morning, at 9:30AM I’m sleeping soundly, dreaming of something I can’t remember when I wake up to the distinct sound of wing flapping and heavy cat breathing/growling. My eyes flew open and I was immediately sitting up in bed. The wing flapping continued-the bird was still a live!
I sat up as quietly as I could and silently prayed that Leroy would get it over with and take the poor creature into the bathroom like he normally does. Why the fuck were they next to the bed, I wondered. I looked over to the bathroom door, maybe Mirs had accidentally closed it when she left earlier but no-still ajar. I waited and waited until I heard watched Leroy jump on the low book shelf near the bed, knocking over all Mirs things. He was looking at something. He kept looking for another 5 minutes or so before retreating and returning to his food bowl in the kitchen.
I was relieved, it was over. Now all I had to do was scoop up the carcass in a plastic bag, say a little prayer, and take it out to the trash. I saw it wedged between the book shelf and the wall. It looked like it’s beady little eyes were staring right at me. How long does it take for dead things to get that filmy stuff over its eyes? Hmm, I wondered. It’s probably still warm-ew. Maybe I should wait a bit for it to cool off-or is that more gross. Whatever, I’ll just take care of it now, get in the shower, get some work done.
I reached down to grab it and it started flapping it’s wings! It’s still a-fucking-live! That was 45 minutes ago. The fucking gigantic BLACK BIRD is still in the house, now squeezed under the bed and the goddamned fucking cat who brought the bird, which according to my mother is bad luck, has lost interest in the god forsaken thing and is now curled up on the mat in the bathroom.
Seriously, what the fuck.