Dear Ilene Chaiken,

YOU SUCK!!
FUCK YOU!!
WHY???
WTF???
HAVE YOU LOST YOUR FUCKING MIND!?!

That is what I’m anticipating in 45 minutes. A mixture of dumbfoundedness, shock, anger, annoyance, and relief that will be the season finale of the L-Word. And good riddance!

If you think about this season-what, exactly, was good about it? Take a minute to think about it and come back to me.

~
In the Meantime, the other seasons…

Season 1
Was good because it was fresh, new, and exciting. The women were hot, the sex scenes were amazing and the twists and turns were something you looked forward to each and every season. Then, last episode you see poor Tina crying her eyes out because fucking Bette Porter broker her heart. TALK ABOUT A CLIFF HANGER!!

Season 2
How amazing was it to see that first episode with Tina’s giant baby belly. You’re thinking WTF happened! How’d she get pregnant! What’s going to happen. What’s Bette going to say/do. Well, she kept fucking the carpenter, duh. And didn’t notice Tina’s giant belly, duh. And then had the audacity to think that Tina was eating away her pain and that no one would want her because she was heavier and then, finding noone interested in a “chubby” girl, come rushing back to Bette. Remember the Jenny/Carmen/Shane and that dude (what was his name) with the creepy (hot with Shane sex scenes) cameras. Remember when Shane punched him? Awesome, right? Remember how it seemed that he and Shane wanted to jump each other’s bones?

Season 3
Really? You’re gonna kill Dana Fairbanks and then have Alice get with Lara Perkins. Okay, it worked, kind of. I guess, I mean they were both grieving, and they’d both had sex with Dana so it was kind of like a post-death threesome. Remember when Alice was talking about Dana all the time on the air? And her producer was getting all pissy with her for not getting over the break up. That was seaon 3, right?

Season 4
Papi season, right? I think this was the Papi moment and the weird Tina with a dude season, right? OH, and does David get all pissy with Tina and Bette because the wheel chair-bound family services agent wants to know who the father figure is in baby Angelica’s life? Which would mean that Kit was dating that younger dude and tried to get an abortion and the Jesus freaks gave her that creepy “present”…then he broke her heart by fucking Heidi, Angelica’s other nanny.

Season 5
Pink Ride? Maybe? Yes. Phyllis’ gay season. Jodi Season. Oh, and Tasha. I think Tasha was juuust coming into the picture at the end of Season 4. All brooding, tough, hot, sexy. That laugh, that smile, her arms, those tits…

and now. Did you think of anything good that happened this season? I mean, those recaps of seasons 1-5 were shit, let’s be honest. I get them all confused and I probably forgot a lot of important information (Dana coming out to her parents, Alice’s mood-altering drug addiction, Shane and Roseanna Arquette, Shane and Carmen, Shane and Molly)

You know what’s lacking in season 6. Besides a good story line, good writing, a plot, character development, etc.

SEX. There’s no sex. At all. Don’t go writing me talking about that half-ass attempt at a sex scene that was Tasha and Alice on the couch while Jayme showered. I may sound like a frat boy when I make this next statement but, WHY WASN’T THERE A THREE SOME. Shane got one with Dawn Denbo and Lover Cindy…

I don’t just watch the L-Word for the Sex but when the characters are turned to horrible shells of themselves and story lines (hello Moira/Max/Moira) turn into shit you hope that there’d be some sexy ladies being sexy together to make up for it.

So, you see, I’m not excited about tonight. I’m pretty confident that it will be a disappointment, as the entire season has been. Then, Monday, we’re left with a whole in our Sunday evenings that used to be filled with friends we were excited to catch up with. Who will our hot lesbian friends living a much more glamorous life than possible be now? Who will fill that void? Why is Rose Rollins Straight??

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2 thoughts on “Dear Ilene Chaiken,

  1. I haven’t watched it yet, I don’t have cable. I’m waiting for it to come up on my computer so I can watch in annoyance and grief…

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