Resolutions and Reflections

I can’t believe that the year is over.   It seems that time just flies by as you get.  I wish that I could say that I’ve gotten wiser but, sadly, that’s not true.  I do continue to learn, however.  I don’t think you can be wise at 29, really.  You are still young, even though my body would object 85% of the time, damn those high school sports.  Whether I like it or not, 2008 is over and in a few hours I’ll be bringing in the New Year with my New Love.  I’ve had a lot of things happen to me this year and a lot more things I’d like to happen for me in the next.  I’m not much of a resolution girl, I never have been.  I think that resolutions are always a set up for failure.  You find yourself at the end of the year resolving to do so much and when you reflect on those resolutions, you’re sometimes disappointed or frustrated because of the things you failed to do.  I’m not resolving to do anything this year-but I do have some goals.

1.  Write at least an hour every day
I was writing a story about my family and then I got a new computer from my father.  When I put the jump drive into my old computer to transfer the files (my book) onto it, the computer crashed and I’ve had to start fresh.  It’s a good thing, there are so many new things that have happened and it’s always nice to look at something you’ve been working on for a while with fresh new eyes…especially when you’re forced to do so.
So, I want to make sure that I work on my novel every day.  This can be daunting and my ability to sit down in one place to write for an hour is difficult to say the least, I’m a busy girl!  But I have to get it done if I’m going to get published.  So there, Writing for at least one hour every day.
2.  Make connections with my family
I got a call from my cousin in Jersey the other day.  We talked while I walked from the gym.  The gym is on 83rd street between Amsterdam and Columbus.  I live on 116th.  It’s a LONG walk.  We got a lot of talking done.  The news of my homosexuality trickled down to him via other cousins.  We talked about my sister and my parent’s divorce and he and I decided that because we’re in our late to early thirties, that we were becoming “The Family”  and therefore we needed to be making arrangements for family reunions, etc.  I’ll start posting chapters of my novel as they emerge from me.  Let me just say-The Family is complex, large, and…insanity.
3.  Work on my Relationship
My relationship with Mirs is, by far, one of the easiest relationships that I’ve ever been in.  It fulfills me, makes me happy, and she is what I’ve always been looking for in a partner.  It’s still requires work.  She’s my first lesbian relationship-I’m not hers.  We know so much about one another, and yet not much at all.  I know that she’s the one that I want to be with for the rest of my life, and she I.  Still, it requires effort and work.
4.  Organization
I’m the least organized person alive…okay-that’s a little extreme, but I’m not very organized at all.  It would be a lie to say that I would, all of a sudden, become someone who has all of their dates, times, and appointments in order, but I’m going to make an effort to do so.  I’m on the hunt for the perfect Moleskin agenda.  I know where it is, it’s just that I have to buy it which brings me to …
5.  Spend Less, Save More
I have a shopping problem.  It goes with the territory.  I work in retail, and have worked retail for the past ten years.  You’d think after ten years of working with clothes that I’d have more clothes than is necessary for one person.   You might be right but there’s always something that comes in that I feel I can’t live without.  I’m going to try to stop that feeling, or at least ignore it.
I did a pretty amazing thing this fall/winter season-I put together a list of things that I needed for the season.  The list included very specific things like, Grey Flat Boots, or Cardigans only in colors white, black, or grey, etc.  They were things that I didn’t have in my wardrobe and things that I could carry into the next season.  If it wasn’t on my list (most of the time)  I didn’t buy it.  
That brings me to the “save more” part.  I’m horrible, horrible at saving.  It goes along with the whole organization thing.  But at almost thirty, I should have way more money saved than I do-and that’s all I’ll say about that.
6.  Eat Better and Exercise More
In the past I’ve had issues with food.  They’ve ranged from every spectrum of disordered eating.  I’ve never had an eating disorder but my relationship with food has, at times, been less than healthy.  This summer I was training for a half marathon and I felt amazing and energized.  I want to get back to that place.  New York is a place for indulgence.  There are so many amazing restaurants to try and I want to try them all!  On the other hand, I’m a pretty amazing cook and could have just as amazing food experiences by experimenting in my kitchen.
Reflecting on last year, I learned so much about myself and so much in my life has changed for the better.  So much in my life has changed for the worse.  All of the things that have happened in the past year, the good and the bad, are unchangeable.  There’s nothing that I can do to make them better or to change them.  They’ve happened, there was a reason for them happening and as cliche as it sounds, all I can do is take each of the experiences and learn from them.  
I’m glad that 2008 has come and gone and am looking forward to what this new year will bring.  

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