It Never Fails

The nights when Mir is at home are the nights that I cannot get to sleep. I’ve run out of things to do. I’ve Facebook stalked every person under the sun, browsed countless profiles and looked at hundreds of pictures of friends, friends of friends and friends of friends of friends. I’ve finished my second knitting project. No huge feat, just another circle scarf, this one is a bit better, though. I’ve tried to get some writing done. I’ve watched 1.5 episodes of the L-Word Season Five. Oh, and I’ve masturbated…THREE TIMES!

Still, wide awake. There’s a lot on my mind, actually. Not in the Mir department, things with she and I are wonderful actually. Lots of craziness going on in Ohio, though. My parent’s divorce was finalized three days prior to what would have been their thirty-second wedding anniversary. It’s not the divorce that is bothering me, I’ve wanted them to divorce for years now. It’s the alimony payments that my mother will be getting that’s bothering me. I’ve talked to her about them and she’s not hearing me. I just wants what’s best for her.

Chrismakah is also just around the corner, as well as all of the shopping and preparations that accompany it. I still get a kick out of the whole thing. It will be nice, though, to celebrate the holidays with someone that I love. Except I really won’t be doing that. For the first time since I’ve been in New York I won’t be going home for Christmas. I’m not actually upset about it. I really don’t have a “home” any more. My parents will be moving out of a house I never lived in and into two separate condos apart from one another. My sister is living with a man that I’ve never met and know nothing about, I take her word that everything is fine. Her word is hard to trust. As much as I’d like to, I won’t be spending the holidays with Mir either, as she will be heading back home to spend it with her family.

On the up side, I have both of my roommates to keep me company for the holidays and about 7 other crazy retail folk who are displaced for the holiday. I’m actually looking forward to cooking Christmas dinner, another task that is keeping me awake tonight.

I wonder, is it the lack of Mir that’s keeping me awake or the distraction of her? She keeps my mind occupied and these other thoughts that would normally overtake my mind are quieted and subdued as I enjoy the experience of being in her presence. It doesn’t numb me, per se, but it is definitely a distraction.

It’s nearing 1 AM, and for most people, it’s not “that” late. For a lady nearing her 30th birthday, it’s a little late. Especially since I’ve been up since 5AM, and have to be up tomorrow at 8AM. I should get to sleep. It’s just so hard.


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