Knitting as distraction

I learned how to knit from my friend, Tiara, at Thanksgayving-almost a week ago now. Today I can say that I’ve sort-of mastered the basic knit and a basic pearl stitch. Looking down at what was to be a scarf for Mirs, I think I have to unravel the whole thing and start again. It was looking pretty good, actually, until I confused the two stitches and then…well, it looks kind of terrible. And not in the charming, first knitted gift from my girlfriend way.

Mirs is studying for finals and I’ve become a delusional, kinda crazy girlfriend. Totally NOT myself. For some reason, I heard “I need to study for finals” as “I don’t want to see you” I like to blame it on the PMS I’m experiencing this week. I’m not this girl. I’m usually really rational and confident.

When I was talking to my roommate, Case, about it tonight I discovered that I am starting to turn into “that girl.” And I hate her. What happened to the old Erika. The super confident and and strong girl that Mir fell in love with 6 months ago…She’s in here, I know she is. I think it’s because we’ve been so spoiled for the past few months; spending every day and every night together. It’s been amazing, I will tell anyone that-shit, I do tell everyone that. Unfortunately, it’s made us sort of…loners. We spend so much time together that most of our friends are starting to wonder if we’re still alive-or have stopped caring.

At the beginning of November we decided that we’d start being people again and start hanging out with our friends again. We’ve been doing well, too! We met some of her old friends and some of mine. We spent Thanksgayving with friends and she spent the day after with her friends. Last night we went to the Trailblazers game @ the Garden and had a great time. AND we’ve spent TWO whole nights apart in the past week…not consecutive, but, it’s a start.

She needs her space to study. She’s getting her PhD, for fucksake! I know this. So why, why dear god, why am I crying all day and every night like a little girl? I’m not sure but I’ve got to figure it out. It’s never cute, but it’s tolerated. I doubt, though, that she’ll tolerate for much longer…soon, the tough Texan that’s hiding inside her will emerge and I’m sure I’ll have a real reason to cry.

So, for now, I’m focusing on my knitting, my writing, my cooking, and my work.


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