The Ex Factor

Ugh…

I mentioned last time that Mirs and I had a disagreement about her ex. I’m still a bit bothered by it. We’ve talked, and I’m sure we’ll talk again but it’s just frustrating. My roommates have heard me whine over and over again, so has my mother so, the next best thing is to blog away my frustrations in hopes that the rational and confident Erika will emerge victorious once more.

So Mir’s ex is coming to town the week of New Years. I found out because I was copying my work schedule from her planner and saw it noted in there. She didn’t tell me about it. My initial reaction was to fly off the handle and to kick and scream my anger but once you’re passed 16 that form of communication isn’t ideal. Instead, I became very quiet and complained of my cold and went to bed. Passive aggressive? Yes, but far better than going nutzo.

The next day I was still definitely… cold and trying to figure out what to do and how to talk to her about it. I spoke to my roommates and then to my mom and finally to Mirs about my concern.

Mirs and her ex dated for five years. According to Mirs she was never truly in love with the girl and sort of stayed around because it was convenient. They broke up before Mir moved to New York, about 15 months ago. While Mir maintains that they have discussed their break up in length and talk openly about Mir’s new relationship (with me) they’ve remained really close friends.

(WHY DO LESBIANS DO THIS!? I find it completely bonkers! I mean, yes, you can be friends with your ex, but I think it takes a bit more time than a year.)

So, we talk over the phone first and I tell her about my frustrations about her not telling me about this happening…oh, did I mention the ex is coming to town the weekend I was planning on being out of town? Yeah…

So we talk over the phone and in length face to face and it was a good talk. I feel better about it, but not great. We end up going home and having amazing sex and then last night again, amazing sex. Today, I see that the ex has myspace commented “see you soon!”

I’m not happy. In fact, I’m fucking pissed off. I told Mir that I trust her, which I do. I told her that I think it’s fine that she and her ex and all their friends hang out. Thing is, most of Mir’s friends are friends from back West, therefore, friends with the ex. Mir says she won’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable, to which I responded, “The whole situation makes me uncomfortable!!”

I dunno, I don’t want to tell her what to do, who she can and cannot see…I don’t want to be that girl. The thing about girls though, we’re some really fucking sneaky creatures. I feel like I know this girl.

This girl thinks that Mir and she broke up because Mir was moving across the country not because Mir didn’t love her
She thinks that when Mir and her get together again, that the stars will realign and they’ll be together, just like they were
She thinks that Mir’s just saying they’re just friends, when in fact-they’re more than that…

The reason she thinks this? My girlfriend is way too nice. She always feels bad and wants to be there for people. She’s an amazing listener and would listen to a homeless person on the subway for hours if they needed to talk for an hour.

So when Mir first moved to NYC and was feeling lonely, she called the ex. Then she found her footing, started getting happy, found me and is all sunflowers and rainbows. Now the ex is down and out and who does she call? Mir! And because Mir has a heart of gold, she fucking talks to her…

I’m trying to be cool, like the Fonz, I’m trying to chill, like Vanilla Ice, I’m trying to be Mello Yellow…and all I REALLY WANT TO DO IS SCREAM!!!

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